Gravity (2013) This May Be The Worst Movie to Ever Win An Oscar

Gravity (2013) Warner

As the Oscars loom, I am trying to update myself with all the nominees which is why I decided to watch Gravity. It was directed by Alfonso Cuaron who subsequently directed the third Harry Potter film so I should’ve known this film was going to be a nightmare. His foreign films like “Y Tu Mama Tambien” was good, but it is also more than a decade old.  

It’s hard for me to describe in words how awful this film truly was from top to bottom. I think the only way to enhance its viewing experience is to do so smoking pot so that the cinematic visuals might actually equate to something existential rather than a waste of film. Some of the Earth shots were nice to look at, but the story is so bland and unappealing that I wanted to detach myself from the film so that I could float off into space in the opposite direction.

When Tina Fey made the joke that “George Clooney would rather float off into space and die rather than spend one more minute with a woman his own age” she wasn’t really joking. Not only is Clooney’s character forgettable, but there is no attachment whatsoever to both of the characters involved. From the beginning I wanted to pay more attention to my dog licking himself then I did caring about either character and the longer the film went on the more boring it became.

I don’t mind dramas, they are usually the best films, but to call this a drama is far from the definition of the word which is defined as “an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.” Not only was I not entertained by it, emotionally tied to it, I also thought the events were totally predictable. I called the accident before it happed (it was obvious), I called the part about her daughter (easy), I could see through her hallucinations in a heartbeat, and who thought she was going to die? These personal one character stories have been done before, but take into consideration that Cast Away (2000) was done with one character just like 127 Hours (2010) and both had characters you actually cared about.

The movie itself has some great visuals but the zero-gravity made me want to yack. It was the most convincing part of space besides Bullocks’ lack of knowledge about astrophysics. I am not sure how most reviewers considered this to be a masterpiece of film. This movie was not gripping, emotional, inspirational, interesting, or worth watching. Those are usually some of the themes tied to Oscar winning films.

I guess you could say that my opinion is tainted because of the fact that everyone is making a big deal out of this film, but it is not art. It is a worthless story about a woman trying to get home to nothing in particular. You don’t care about her or her journey and it feels like the entire movie is based around the zero-gravity concept they used in the cinematography. I can’t blame them for naming the movie “gravity” because that is all it was about.